The Key to Connection

Have you ever had a conversation that left you feeling more energized and cheerful than when you went into it? The confidence, good energy, and boost that can come from a simple interaction stays with us long after the conversation is over. 

Why don’t we do this more often? Well… frankly because it's intimidating. Striking up random conversation with a stranger is always nerve wracking because you never know how it will go. 

Whether it's cold calling a business, setting up coffee chats, or spending an extra few minutes chatting with your local barista- these are all moments of connection. To some of you, these are exciting interactions that don’t spike anxiety or fear, for others these are all “OH HELL NO” moments.

For those of you who thought “that is so NOT me” when reading the above social scenarios, this blog post is for you! 

As mentioned, connections can come in many different ways- think of all of these means of connections as doors. Now typically, every door is unique and has a singular key that unlocks it- this is still somewhat true when it comes to connections. Just as every lock has a key to fit perfectly, there are still unique parts to every conversation depending on the person, setting, and topic. BUT- there is always a master key. This key works on every door- and in this instance, in every conversation. 

The master key to conversation…

1. Don’t forget your keychain: Before going into a conversation, make sure you know who you are talking to! For coffee chats and networking events specifically, doing some LinkedIn research about the individual/s beforehand is a must!

2. Putting your key in the lock: A greeting, eye contact, introduction with your name and make sure to get theirs and if you already know it, say it to them! 

3. Begin to turn the key: Start off strong with a question! No no, not the basic, “soooo how are you?”, aim your question directly at the person. Taking the info you have about them on your keychain, frame the question directly towards something they recently accomplished, their family, career, etc! Make sure it is not a “yes” or “no” question, this is how conversations usually end quickly. 

4. Keep turning: really listen to what they are saying, from here ask a question further inquiring about something they mentioned from the previous answer. 

5. Begin to open the door: connect something they said (whether it be how they felt, an experience, etc.) to a related feeling/experience you share with them. This shows a level of connection and mutual understanding about a topic or situation. Showing the individual that you understand on a deeper level. 

6. Push the door open: You’ve asked, you’ve listened, you’ve related… that's called connecting! This loop continues and voilá! A conversation! 

Don’t forget to close the door on your way in- AKA, make sure to thank the individual for their time, mention something you learned, and if you want to keep the conversation going, plan to connect on LinkedIn or meet up again! 

Practice truly makes perfect. As someone who has had over 150+ coffee chats, I have learned how to begin, pivot, continue, and end conversations in, well… 150+ ways! Don’t be too hard on yourself if you try to unlock many doors ( the awkward moments, declined coffee chat invitations, or vague answers), remember that the right key and lock fit together perfectly! The rest will follow!